Fuck.
I’ve been pissed lately. So pissed, that I bothered to log back into tumblr just so I could publicly rant about it.
Recently, I’ve learned that my friends aren’t keepers.
They aren’t considerate people. They aren’t the people who would bother to call me up after a few years to see how I was doing. They aren’t the people who would bother to drive down just to visit, despite all the times I’ve driven up just to get a glimpse of them. They aren’t the people who would keep in touch once they move away. They aren’t the people who would go out of their way to speak on my behalf, despite the countless times I’ve done so for them. They’re not the type of people who would stop a physical fight between my brother and me. I mean, why bother when you can just sit back and watch, right?
My friends are the ones who expect to be hit up, and won’t bother to go out of their way to contact you. They’re the ones who would probably lose complete contact with you forever if you weren’t the one constantly reconnecting with them. They’re the ones who’d rather go home and sleep than hang out with you, since you don’t have anything planned. They’re the ones who don’t simply appreciate good company. They’re the ones who would turn you down over a video game or over a few girls they’re trying to impress. They’re the ones who only want to lend a helping hand when others are there to see. Shit, what good is a deed if you’re not recognized for it?
I’ve learned that people who I thought were closest to me were just people who were fun to be around. All shits and giggles, no actual personal touch.
Other than my girlfriend, who’s pretty much obligated to check up on 24/7, of all these people, I can count a total of four unrelated people who I consider to be my closest friends. I get to see each of them either once a month or less during the school year, and they each live over two hours away. One lives in a different state.
Everyone else just seemed to fool me so well. Or maybe they all just had lower standards. Maybe I expected too much out of them. Maybe I need new friends. Or maybe it’s just me.
Fuck.
